Chapter 106 - The Monkey Trap

In India they use an ingeniously simple device to catch monkeys. A small hole, just big enough for a monkey’s open hand to fit into, is cut into one end of a coconut. The other end of the coconut is fastened to the base of a tree with a chain. The coconut is hollowed out and partially filled with grain. When the monkey puts his hand into the coconut to grab the grain, he can’t pull it back out while it is closed around the booty. Because monkeys are notoriously greedy, they won’t let go of the grain. Instead, they pull in vain against the chain and are easily caught.

As any parent with long hair or eyeglasses can tell you, one of the first motor skills a baby masters is grasping. This initial introduction to the power and pleasure of possession often leads to a lifetime where clutching, grasping and clinging is the norm. Like many behaviors, what is cute in the innocent child is ridiculous in the adult. Needy people clutch on to others, selfish ones grasp much more than they need, and the rest of us cling to youth and opinion. Clinging is a natural instinct and even has a positive side. Needing others creates families. A great deal of good has been contributed to this world by ambitious, grasping people. Holding on dearly to youth and vitality causes people to exercise and eat right.

Like a rock climber, you must grasp the rock if you want to ascend, but hold on too tight and you will fatigue and seize up, never making it to the top. Just as in climbing: The tighter you clutch and cling to people, possessions, status, or situation, the more you increase fear and suffering and the less fun you will have. The balance point comes when you learn to live in the world and still know how to let go.

Luckily, you don’t have to wait for your house to burn down or a divorce in order to find your letting-go groove. Prepare for these larger life issues by practicing with the Third Rule in your everyday experience. Let go of over-inflated or unrealistic expectations about what others owe you or what they should do. Let go of always having to have the biggest portion or all the best perks. Let go of having to always be right or getting in the last word. Catch yourself when you are overly concerned about what others think and let go of your need to project a perfect image. Notice when you feel superior to others or start measuring your self-worth by your net-worth, and let go of that tiny persona too.

A meditation teacher used to greet his students with a hearty, “Hello and how are you today?” as they arrived for class. To the students who responded by saying that they were well, the teacher would smile and say “good” and then move on to the next student. When a student said he or she was doing lousy or complained, the teacher would smile and say, “You are very attached,” and then move on to the next student.

What’s in your coconut